Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
