All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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