You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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