I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
