You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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