I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
