She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
