In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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