Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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