My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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