If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
