When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
