obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
