How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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