just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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