I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
