Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
