Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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