Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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