I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
