forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize