hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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