We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
