i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
