Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize