last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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