just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
