i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize