Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
