i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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