I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
