Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just high enough for therapy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
