I wish I could teleport
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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