Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
