Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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