I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
