Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
