Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
