she pinky promised me she was 18
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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