Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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