just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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