i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
