i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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