If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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