Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize