Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
