Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
