You made me cry and you don't even care
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
