Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
