chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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