It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
