I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
