i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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