fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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