hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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