Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize