I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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