she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize