he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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