Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
