I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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