Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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