You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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