That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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