I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
