Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize