i don't like sucking hair
My balls are so social today.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
