Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
