WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
