Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
