WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When are your genitals available?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
