I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
