So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
