2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
