Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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