Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
