I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize