She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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