Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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