We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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