Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
