Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
