Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
