I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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