If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
