he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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