I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
