Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
