umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
