Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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