Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
