Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
