Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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