I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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