I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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