I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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