Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
