Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My dick has a subreddit
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
