he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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