if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
