Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
