honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
