Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
