I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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