And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
