so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
