Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
