The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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