She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
